A Very Merry Sober Christmas

Sober Christmas, Is it easy? Not always. Will it be worth it? Abso-feckin-lutely! Below are some key points from a free workshop I recently held. There is a fair bit of work but that’s good! Focusing on you for the last two weeks of the year is such a boss move. And, you get out what you put in. So, do the work - see the results my lil Christmas Elves!

What are your reasons for wanting to do it alcohol free? These are your why’s, keep adding to them as you think of them. Return to the list throughout the festive season to keep you accountable and to remind yourself why you are having Christmas on your terms.

What are your intentions for the days after any events? Remember that we often only focus on the day of the event and not how we want the following days to be. Look at your diary and make sure you have plans sorted for the days after big events. And, yes, lying on yer couch and watching tv, ignoring yer phone is a perfectly good plan!

REMEMBER - Christmas isn’t about drinking!

Finish these sentences -

What is Christmas about, to you?

I want a Christmas that is ?

What I love about Christmas?

What do you dislike about Christmas?

Those questions are gonna be key to you having the day/s you want. Answer them in great detail.

Christmas is only one day, keep it in perspective. Plan it hour by hour. Visualise, plan ahead and be prepared.

Check in with yourself with sober activities - books, podcasts, journaling, chatting with sober people online or in real life.

Make a list of things that bring you joy and light you up. Plan activities that are planned around this. You’ll make nice memories too. Examples of my list of joy are - reading in bed with a morning coffee, doing my skin care at night, journaling, meditation, playing with my cats, doing my tarot, keeping my bedroom like a little sanctuary, chatting to my sober pals on insta or in real life.

What are your intentions each day? Feelings and things you need to do. Space these out so you have a day that is manageable but that will keep you on track.

What are your potential threats or triggers. Get honest. Once you know them you can put boundaries in place. Plan for tough moments. Who raises negative emotions, tension or stress, heightened anxiety. Commit to not getting involved, walking away will serve you so well. Christmas can heighten emotions, spending time with family and in others houses or with those who are drunk can be challenging but if you are prepared for these things happening it will make them easier to deal with.

Other people's expectations, who knows what and why? Quite often when I ask my clients what worries them about not drinking they will say a particular person or people come to mind who might challenge them on their empowered decision not to drink. Decide what and when you will tell them. Some people say that they will deal with the person when they see them and it's not the greatest plan cause we can buckle with peer pressure or not wanting to make a scene.

I suggest writing down your reasons why then making them into a positive statement - Hey just to let you know I have decided not to drink at our night out because I have stuff on the following day/I am enjoying not drinking/I feel the best I have felt in ages etc etc and I am not expecting you not to drink but I won’t be whether you support that or not.

I realise that may feel difficult to do but when we first put boundaries in place they can feel icky but please remember that most boundaries are to keep people IN our lives, not out. Or, just a wee reminder I am not drinking at the minute but I will be bringing my own drinks so don’t stress about that. PLEASE DO TAKE YOUR OWN DRINKS!! I have arrived places and been offered a warm diet coke….I really don’t like fizzy juice and to be told it was warm as there was no room in the fridge due to it being full of booze made me feel like shit!

Plan what you will be drinking. Keep your glass full, maybe mark your glass by popping a hairband round the stem so you don’t worry about picking someone else's up. If you can afford to, take more or have more in than you need.

Use gratitude - maybe even take a photo of what you're grateful for and use it as your screensaver. It could be family, friends, health goals, gifts you have given, the gifts sobriety has given you. And really feel into it. Why are you grateful for these things? Write down these things too and really get into the details of why you are grateful for them, many of my clients keep this on their phone so they can refer to it when dealing with trickier situations.

Take time out - plan what that is, walk the dog, tidy the kitchen, lie down in your room, call a supportive bestie. Anything that gives you valuable time away from people who might annoy you or be drinking heavily

Do you get joy in helping out? Can you be a designated driver, someone who entertains the kids or spends extra time with elderly or ill relatives?

Say no with pride. Or lie. Yup, I just told you to lie on the baby Jesus’ birthday. Its been 40 years since I went to Sunday school but I am pretty sure he forgives yer sins. If you are really worried about being forced to drink, say you are on antibiotics. The ones used for most dental issues carry a warning that you can’t drink on them. Metronidazole and tinidazole are two of the most common, also it's never a good idea to drink if you have a UTI…..no one is gonna ask to test yer pee or look at your infected wisdom tooth (if they do you have bigger concerns than not drinking!)

If the urge to drink strikes, see it as an opportunity for some self enquiry. It's rarely cause you want to taste it. It’s more likely to be cause you are bored, lonely, stressed, or even excited. When we learn to name and sit with that emotion it shifts our thoughts from the drink to the root cause - our emotions. When we recognise that alcohol is a temporary solution to our deeper emotional challenges it changes from a weakness to an opportunity to discover more about ourselves and also strengthen our emotional resilience. WIN! And it's a healthy distraction from the wreck the hoose juice! Explore these emotions without judgement but with curiosity. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so I was right my sisters partner really does rip my knitting even when I am not drinking *note to self don’t sit next to him at Christmas Dinner*

HALT! Are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Ask yourself this if the urge strikes and take the necessary steps to deal with it.

Play it forward, What would the 3hrs after look like? What would the next 24hrs look like? What would 3 days after look like? Next week? Month? Year?

Will alcohol help in this situation? Get curious about it. What would alcohol bring to this situation?

Reflect on where you are now, it's a great time for reflection, since you started exploring sobriety. Even if you have had 10 day 1’s. They are all lessons. What has gone well? What needs a bit more exploration or support?

What traditions do you usually have that involve alcohol? Substitute them for AF drinks or make new ones.

Embrace the JOMO (joy of missing out) FOMO (fear of missing out) is social comparison and that’s no good for nobody. Social media is filled with envy-inducing posts, it’s time to flip the script and embrace JOMO. JOMO is embracing the present moment and finding joy in the activities we choose to do, rather than anxiously chasing after every invitation and experience. It's about recognising that we can't do it all and that it's perfectly okay to say "no" to certain things. Instead, we focus on what truly matters to us and relish in the joy and contentment it brings. Sober people are smug little bitches on a Sunday morning, all fresh, all remembering what we did the night before, all cosy and without anxiety and experiencing the best joy. So if you have FOMO about not drinking can you turn that into JOMO? Embracing JOMO allows us to have deeper connections with ourselves and the people around us. It frees us from the constant need for validation and comparison, enabling us to appreciate our own unique journey and celebrate the joys that come with being present and doing what we know is gonna serve us better in the long run!

And remember, Christmas is one day. 24 hours. Don’t be fooled by all the advertising and marketing that tells you that to enjoy the day you need to drink, just look back to the ghosts of Christmas past to remind yourself how well you are doing by saying, no, no, no to the booze!

This will be my 6th sober Christmas. They are undoubtedly the most present and best Christmases I can (literally!) remember. You really are giving up nothing and gaining so much more!

Kirsty CEO SoberBuzz